Life and Death

I think about my Life and my Death most days. Maybe it was because I was viciously toyed with and felt Death's cold breath when I was tortured while very young.

That which happens to you at your youngest seems to pack the most powerful of punches. Carrying those heavy wounds each day weighs heavily upon the mind.

My life was pure torment that never seemed to have an ending. Each day, still trapped within my parent's, my abusers home, I died a little. I had no dreams, no wants or wishes for I knew full well the suffering would not end the next day, the next week, the next month or even the next year.

Long-suffering was I. 

Pray for Death each day, I did.

Now, free of my persecutors, I spend my days sitting alone. Unharmed. It is a new experience. 

I am at peace alone in the dark. 

I like it here.

What a Pedophile looks like. My father, my rapist

Child Rapist, Incestuous Father, hard working family man who sold his oldest daughter for sex to earn money to feed his family.

This is my dad.

Evil often looks ordinary, doesn't it?

An Incest Survivor Speaks Out

A lot on my mind these days.

I talk and write about Incest and childhood sexual abuse because I was raped and molested for two decades on a weekly or daily basis, mostly by my father.

The assaults affect me every single day. I have become more aware of the triggers, the avoidance, the hypervigilance, the fears, the weight of the huge scars and the horror of the gaping wounds.

Incest and Abuse and Rape and Prostitution were daily events that fed and impacted me in huge ways.

This is me and my dad.

Pedophiles and Serial Child Rapists and Abusers have faces, names, families and jobs. They live in every city and they look like ordinary men.

They are husbands, fathers, hard workers, good Christians, Bible thumpers, college graduates and dropouts.

This is my own father.

He was a serial child rapist.

May he Never ever rest in peace.

A pedophile, even a dead one, does not deserve the right to defend themselves.

As my father's over two dozen victims had no ability to defend themselves, most being too young to speak, my dead incestuous pedophile of a father does not get the opportunity to defend himself.

Criminals like this have no rights.

I only say these words because I know what harm my father caused me. I accuse him because I was there when he raped others.

To let him die without everyone knowing his crimes, would mean he died an innocent man.

My father was not innocent. He was guilty of widespread heinous and criminal acts for which he should have spent a lifetime behind bars, but no.

He got away with it like all pedophiles get away with it, by threatening and scaring their victims.

Knowing the victims would be too filled with deep shame, embarrassment and guilt to ever speak of what truthfully happened to them.

I have no respect for dead pedophiles.

If every child molester knew their secret would eventually get out, maybe it would give them pause, maybe there would be one less victim or one more rapist behind bars.

Because I forgave my father does not mean he is unacceptable for his crimes.

I feel sad for his other victims, especially the ones I witnessed. It's a horrible helplessness to witness such atrocities.

I have stabilized and healed enough to speak the truth.

No pedophile should ever get away with a single act of viciously harming a child.

This is my dad. Know that he has a name, a face, a flowery obituary and know that he was a serial child rapist. 

I Survived ❤

incest Survivor Diary

I am

Nothing

Noone

The light

Of the darkness

The whispered secrets

Of illicit affairs

The Black out drunk

Who drowns the truth

With 5 dollar moscatel

In the corner

Of the same bar

His hidden in

Before

Next to

The jukebox

Lovely

Deafening

Electric plug

Socket or

Soul

With one

Bobby pin

The lights 

Go out

She

Goes 

Down

No onecan

Find her

Before it's

Two latte

In the dark

Finally

Slumber