Some Switches are Longer Than Others

To transition from one personality to another is called Switching. Most switches are the same, nothing special just like a blink of the eye.

Then there are the transitions that go from a Big, older, established Alter Person down to a Little, someone younger than 7. Those transitions have a deep within, visceral, sinking feeling wherein the body, especially the feet and legs feel heavy. There may or maybe not be a general feeling of fogginess and the slipping away of consciousness.

Today, the Switch near the end of our therapy hour, to the Driver who drives Usses home, was a Looonnnnggg Switch. Long in that the mental distance from the alter person Out and Talking, probably a Little, to Me the Driver of the Day seems like a great distance. 

Most alters lived within an Inner Structure, a large house or mansion. It was a short distance between floors or wings. Now, just since a couple months ago, the second house was revealed, it surfaced. That previously hidden Inner Structure contains all the whores, the prostituted alter people. 

At first house 1 and house 2 were a great distance apart. Over the past weeks, the houses have grown closer in distance to the point now wherein I could reach my hand out my window in house 1 and rap on the window of house 2.

They are strangers to me, those in house 2.

But today, in therapy, I think that house 2 people were Out and then I got pulled out of house 1 to drive. And the area, the distance from that Out person to Me was confusing, disorienting and very long.

I'm so confused. Like waking up halfway through the movie a week after it started playing. I know. Makes no sense. That's how it feels.

I want to write, email the therapist and apologize over and over. Not sure exactly why. Maybe to cover all my bases. Maybe who that was Out said or did something wrong and I'm just used to apologizing so I won't get hit so much. I don't know. Really I don't.

I'm confused but old enough to be a good driver, old enough to get the groceries and cook us up some dinner.

Not sure I know exactly who I am but I know my way around, albeit apologetically and with confused tears.

It isn't easy being Multiple sometimes.