Wednesday, December 30, 2020

on being mute

As the noise inside my head slows way down, I delight more deeply in external noises (plus I am not as easily annoyed or overwhelmed by said noises).
It's less difficult to understand the spoken words of others.
Song lyrics, on the radio, suddenly became clear and coherent.
I enjoy the sound of my own breathing. 
I turned off the closed captioning on the television because I can understand what is being said now.
I've run into a couple hurdles. To activate my credit card, I encountered a voice-activated only phone number. In a similar vein, my dentist appointment could not be made via phone, rather I need to show up, written request in hand, and get an appointment made.
Likewise, at the vet, I couldn't park in the lot and call and ask the receptionist to bring out my dog food. Instead, I prepared a written sign, conveniently made from the box of dog food I required, so that the receptionist could easily see what I needed.
In both in-person cases, I was treated with great respect and my errands were successful. 
In some ways being mute is like a layer of protection, a blanket of insulation against the external world. My worries are less. My expectations are lowered, too. I don't have to engage in chitchat or banter. Good overall but at times a hardship.
More positive than negative.
Inside, I feel great calm.
Being mute has its pluses and minuses.

The War

of surviving severe childhood sexual abuse has always been fought on two fronts. The Outer Front, Watchung for and avoiding men, the predato...