From Autistic me: you will never know how difficult it is for me, at times, to form words and speak out loud. My brain struggles with English as if it is a foreign language. Some days, like today, it's all I can do to string together enough words that my teen can understand what I'm trying to say.
Some days, Words Just Don't Work. And he and I have grown used to it; it's our normal.
The other thing I wanted to say, to those that love and care for nonverbal Autistics, being nonverbal does not hurt and it often feels very natural and normal not to speak. The times I'm nonverbal, I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything, in fact, the times where I feel the greatest, most pervasive peace and calm and whole, is when I'm nonverbal.
I struggle because the outer world is completely against silence and mutism and nonverbal, whereas so much of my being, my brain and neurology screams 'be quiet, say nothing'; it is so peaceful in the quiet. I cannot emphasize enough that nonverbal can be pure bliss to some of us Autistics. Hell is being forced to talk and interact and play nice and act normal.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for a parent or caregiver of a nonverbal Autistic. I guess my parting wisdom as both an Autistic and the mother of a quiet Autistic is, if your child does not appear to be in any distress, they are probably quite content and maybe even feeling great calm.
I know my son loves me, even on the days I'm unable to speak. I love my son equally on the days I am verbal, and on the days I am mute. That does not change.
Just because someone is nonverbal does not mean they are in distress or pain. Sometimes it is the exact opposite.
I live in both worlds, verbal and nonverbal. If I could only choose one, I think you can figure out which one I'd prefer.❤
Be kind to your local Autistics, both the verbal and nonverbal ones.
