One of the side effects of having DID/ MPD is that you worry and wonder a lot. Having different alter personalities, blackouts and losing time means it is typically confusing. It's tough to keep track of things if you keep leaving reality and your body for broad lengths of time.
Currently, I am wondering or worrying about:
The 100$ check that was supposed to have arrived last week. Did the check make it into my hands? Did I cash it? If so, what did I buy? If not, can I accurately report that it is stolen or never arrived? Probably my biggest concern at the moment.
Wondering why all my clothes are way too big. I don't think I've lost weight. I think we've just been buying clothes way too big. Or, I'm a younger, smaller, thinner alter and the clothes simply feel too large.
Yeah, like, some days I wonder where my clothes went. Wheres my favorite shirt? My red shoes? Looking for things that don't exist in this time frame...frustrating. Not knowing if things are really missing or they were disposed of years ago or were worn out decades ago.
It's confusing. To a large degree, I've lived in a state of constant, high confusion that I've intentionally kept to myself for fear of ridicule. People laugh when you ask them what year it is, or for products, food items, that they stopped making years ago. Asking where a certain fast food place is, when the chain went out of business years ago, yeah, confused states and ridicule.
Seems to be more coconsciousness brings more confusion. It's just the name of the game I've been playing for awhile.
Currently, I am wondering or worrying about:
The 100$ check that was supposed to have arrived last week. Did the check make it into my hands? Did I cash it? If so, what did I buy? If not, can I accurately report that it is stolen or never arrived? Probably my biggest concern at the moment.
Wondering why all my clothes are way too big. I don't think I've lost weight. I think we've just been buying clothes way too big. Or, I'm a younger, smaller, thinner alter and the clothes simply feel too large.
Yeah, like, some days I wonder where my clothes went. Wheres my favorite shirt? My red shoes? Looking for things that don't exist in this time frame...frustrating. Not knowing if things are really missing or they were disposed of years ago or were worn out decades ago.
It's confusing. To a large degree, I've lived in a state of constant, high confusion that I've intentionally kept to myself for fear of ridicule. People laugh when you ask them what year it is, or for products, food items, that they stopped making years ago. Asking where a certain fast food place is, when the chain went out of business years ago, yeah, confused states and ridicule.
Seems to be more coconsciousness brings more confusion. It's just the name of the game I've been playing for awhile.
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