A Surfeit of Arbitrary Thoughts, Autism MPD

Lying in bed last night, erratic thoughts and ideals arose from the flotsam that frequently surfaces in the twilight of impending sleep.
I dream of whales, or in particular one dark grey humpback whale. Maybe it's a spirit totem, God in disguise or an aqueous angel. Could it be my new proximity to the coast, the Pacific migratory waters (yes, I checked, the night of my whale dream humpbacks where spotted near the shore)? I'm not sure.
I'm currently ensconced in quiet time, submerged and away from everything external. I can only find and remember my own rhythm when alone so I'm taking some time to reset to myself, to slow way down from the upbeat, hectic pace of the outside world. It's taking a bit, many hours of self talk and absence of chatter to calm my self and locate some hard fought inner peace.
I slumber day and sometimes night in the warmest, deepest, most welcoming sleep like a personal, temperate cocoon all my own wherein often I resist the urge to stir and awake, my comfort so thorough and complete. My time is my own, such rarity!
Awareness, I've finally realized that I am meticulously safe from the external clutches of my former cruel foes. I wept when I felt this to my core. I've been fighting off the evil beasts as far back as I could remember, and dealing with their prevailing thought patterns ever since. I'm starting to feel the effects of this new thing called Safe, whereby I believed that everyone was deliberately out to hurt me. I must attribute this new sensation to the privilege of sharing company with women that don't want to hurt me, women who actually like me, care about how I feel and treat me with respect. All New to Me, and most positive. I do spend considerable time processing this new information as it is so bizarre and unfamiliar to me
Yes, I kept breaking out and releasing suppressed tears from a multitude of arenas. It's all good and highly healthy.
My PT the other day was horrid. My ptsd was highly triggered on multiple levels. I can never go back. I tire, from the depths of my soul, of having to explain how every day, trivial matters are pure, high and jagged mountains to overcome. Seriously, only another Autistic Multiple could truly understand. Enough said.
Therapy and it's aftermath is highly intense these days and it will continue to be so for a spell. I'm working. I'm working awfully damn hard and maintaining an external life as well.
It's been busy but so much of it is veryvery good. Catching some rest.
Thanks for reading.
Be well