So I'm working on building a 5 bedroom dollhouse. This presents a number of challenges. I struggle to read and understand written instructions and this dollhouse has a book to work from. I have to slowly read each step about a dozen times. I've discovered this rereading is best done with hours or days in between. My brain has to figure exactly what needs to be done and time does seem to help instructions to be understood.
Anyway, the issue of ownership came in to play today. I had two 2 foot sections of flooring that needed to be painted. I read the instructions, wrote down the type of floor stain needed, polyshades, and went to my local hardware store for just the polyshades and some sponge brushes. I also need to stain the shingles with a different type of stain but I didn't risk buying both and getting confused and messing up. I'll get the shingle stain After I finish the flooring.
Next, I needed a place to stain. Indoors was completely out of the question as polyurethane needs high ventilation. I thought about opening the trunk of my car, laying down plastic and cardboard and painting there, but then I would have had to leave the trunk open and exposed, vulnerable and that wasn't going to work.
Here's the crux, I live in an apartment complex, thus the parking lot and grounds do not belong to me. I could not paint in any place that I did not have exclusive rights to as it would be explicitly wrong, in my beautiful autistic mind. I spent hours searching for a solution.
People say "overthinking" like it's a bad thing when they don't realize that, to some of us autistics, it's an Absolute Necessity!!!!
I didn't want to do something wrong, get yelled at or commit an infraction. Finally, I settled on a solution. I would stain on my stoop, the 4 x 4 sidewalk area directly in front of my apartment. It's a Sunday, the office would be closed and foot traffic low. It was the only recourse, in my mind. Yes, I was able to apply the first coat of stain being very cautious not to get any drips on the apartment complex concrete.
Ownership is a huge issue for me. If I'm in someone's home, I don't touch anything unless I ask first. Likewise, the things in my home are not to be touched unless I give permission, hence, I rarely let anyone into my home.
I've gotten more...at ease with my car. The car is more of a community property thing in that things can be touched and for some reason unknown, I've been perfectly comfortable letting a friend of mine drive. Maybe it's because I'm giving permission. Maybe this new friend is just a wonderful, trustworthy anomaly that I feel completely comfortable around, I don't know.
The other blaring example of (new places are a special type of autistic hell) not touching things...my dear friend was in ICU, an unfamiliar place for me. I didn't know the rules, had no one to ask and was completely lost on protocol...could I push the chair, the hospital's chair not mine, up closer to the bed so we could talk? Could I move the rolling table out of the way or was it in that particular position for a specific, unknown to me reason? I timidly moved the chair, all the while feeling I was committing some major infraction
See, I don't know the rules outside of my own house yet every neurotypical naturally knows them!!!!!!!! I have to brainstorm, second guess, dare to ask, hope for the best or base things on items I've read or previous experience.
This Is my everyday life...spending hours upon hours trying to figure out the things most people innately know
Its exhausting!!!!!!!!
Welcome to my world
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