Ugly Truth, Torture

Lately, with Neo, new therapist, I've been discovering some ugly truths, some terrible things that were done to me by close relatives.
I don't know what to do with this new, old information so thus I blog. It's probably not for the feint of heart, nor is it conversational fodder.
It makes no sense that a grandparent would intentionally torture her own granddaughter...except, I'm guessing, it somehow appeased her own tortured soul. I can only wager that similar deep and disturbing acts were done to her when she was young.
Here goes...
I remember being 8 years old, naked and laying on the master bed which was covered with a fireproof tarp. I had been ordered to put the tarp there before I watched grandmother pour two glasses of deep purple wine.
In the smaller shot glass she added white powder from a small folded envelope. I can only guess that it was something she brought home from the pharmacy where she worked. The powder only went into my glass, not her taller one. She drank and smoked as I drank the hot peppery liquid.
Next thing I remember is laying face up on the bed, watching grandmother pull matches off their little book, light them and fling them onto my torso. She walked around the bed, always smiling with moments of furrowed, angry brow mixed with her cackling laughter.
I'd watch where the matches flew, bracing myself, tightening muscles, trying to imagine the match bouncing away or the flame snuffing out quickly. The flame typically lasted only briefly. Grandmother was often carefully to leave few marks by flicking the match quickly. The faster it was thrown, the quicker it went out.
She also used stick matches...but those had a different, more sinister mission. Grandmother didn't like my hair very long or simply took great delight in trimming my hair with matches. She would hold a small clump of hair in one hand and a lit stick match in the other. She'd singe the edges and rub out the flame...usually quickly. The acrid smell of burning hair assaults me still. Olfactory flashback.
That wasn't the worst thing she did with the long-lasting stick matches but I'm not going to write anymore tonight.
I feel damaged.