Today, I have episodic tears alongside glimpses of that memory. I'm kind of stunned, really. So much information to process.
I think I need time alone to come to grips with this.
We also remembered a five-minute period of time, when we were under two, and our mother was singing a song to us, smiling, happy with us. That is a rarity. Not sure what to do with that. Mom had brief, erratic, and well spaced out, small increments of time wherein she loved us. Granted, 90% of what we remember about her is negative or neutral, so this specific memory throws a wrench into the black and white, evil or good only, theory.
Can we love her 5 or 10% in light of all the hurt, pain and neglect she caused?
My dad, so sick. He'd come home from work smelly like engine grease and hope in the shower. After that, he'd call for mom to bring small toddlerish us in to get bathed with him.
Resignation
Losing the will to fight
Defeated
Disgusted
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