How many times did I hold my breath in fear? Anticipating the next thrust or blow? As if by holding my breath I could create a wall, a barrier and not feel the impending pain.
How many times did I hold my breath pretending to make myself small, insignificant, invisible? If they don't see me, they can't grab and hurt me.
How many times did I hold my breath to stem the flow of tears? For if they saw my pain it would have made them smile. Or if I had started crying I was afraid I would never stop.
I held my breath cause I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to be. I wanted to drift away into the nothingness.
I held my breath in protest, in defiance as a way of standing up while being pushed down and stomped.
Mostly, thou mostly, I held my breath to try and stop the hell of my reality. To stop the pain. I held my breath...to breath would have made what they were doing to me...real
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