I moved to a huge townhouse from a small, cramped one bedroom apartment last week. I have rarely been able to talk since as I am thoroughly overwhelmed by, well, everything. I haven't been able to speak to my therapist or friends about this heap of issues.
My Mutism..its like, I'm standing at the top of a mountain full of fears, concerns, questions and comments...if I get these stressors down to a certain level, I can talk. No sooner do I get the levels down then I'm hit with a new conversation, new things I must do and try to understand, then I'm back in mute mode. It's been very sporadic and unpredictable, the times I can talk and the times I can't. It's best to stay inside and avoid the possibility of not being able to speak.
It's embarrassing. The distress from being in a larger place presents a huge number of new issues.
There is finances to manage, figuring out what things can be bought for the house and which can wait. And more, there are so many more issues that I just have a hard time acknowledging and discussing.
My only hope this week is that I'll be able to talk with my therapist. I need to deal with these unsettling, difficult problems or the Mutism will just continue. This is the longest spell whereby I've struggled with my Mutism.
I saw my family doctor last week, mute. It was an interesting and uncomfortable appointment. It's like she put on kid gloves. I communicated via my phone texting. At least I still had words in my head that I could write. The times were my mind goes blank...well, it's difficult, nay impossible to communicate.
I do see that therapy is the answer for me as I have become aware of some underlying issues promoting my Mutism.
Just laying low and taking care of myself.
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