Aspergers goes by a few different names: Asperger's Syndrome, Aspergers Disorder and Asperger's disease. I prefer to just use Aspergers and often refer to myself as an Aspie. Its shorter and sweeter.
It is often considered the mildest of the Autism Spectrum Disorders. And there is great individuality to it. Each and every Aspie falls into a different spot on this spectrum, with some individuals being very high functioning, while others are more challenged.
I think that I have run the gamut from severely affected to high functioning. There was definitely a time, in my early 20's where I was very low-functioning in that I rarely left the house, had one or two acquaintances and avoided people at all costs. It was a very isolated, hermit-like existence.
Sometime in my 30's, with the right therapist and friends, I was able to come out of my shell, start interacting with the world and became moderately functional.
Gosh,it really wasn't until the last decade that I became high functioning enough to pass for near-normal. Now, I think, most people would be hard-pressed to tell I have Aspergers. And the majority of my friends would probably be quite shocked if they knew the extent of my....past 30 years.
I consider myself to be quite fortunate as I have lived in a variety of situations and circumstances that have allowed me to actually have a pretty broad view of life.
So when I hear that someone else has Aspergers, while I can understand some of the general traits and symptoms, I would be hard-pressed to figure out exactly what it means/ how it affects that individual. Each and every Aspie is a unique creation :)
Aspergers is a spectrum disorder so everyone who is an Aspie has it to a different degree. I will explain my traits as best I can...
First off, a few facts: Asperger Syndrome (AS) occurs in 1 in 10,000 people. It is 10 times more common in males than females. There is a genetic factor in that an Aspie typically has a parent or other relative with AS or a related disorder such as PDD (pervasive personality disorder), ADD or autism.
My eldest son is an Aspie as is my father, grandfather and possibly great-grandmother (probable) and great-great grandfather (possible). I come by it honestly
So here are Wikipedias list of characteristics:
1) qualitative impairment in social interaction...meaning I have a hard time making small talk and that interacting with others is not a natural function. I have no idea of what to say with people unless we have a very common bond. When my son was born, my social world opened up because I had a baby to talk about with other moms. It was really my first venture engaging with others.
2) Restricted patterns of behavior...I adore patterns and have a rather strict routine for how things are done from doing dishes to mowing the lawn, cooking, arranging food on my plate and the method with which I eat, dressing and my nighttime routine.
3) Intense preoccupation with a specific subject....I have a deep and passionate love for science, nature, words and sometimes art and can spend entire days reading, researching and exploring these avenues to the extent that the rest of the world is lost and quite a bother when it intrudes.
4) One-sided verbosity...sometimes, but rarely...I have learned the intricacies of everyday conversation and the give and take throughout my 40 something years, so it isn't as pronounced as it had been. I tend to heavily censor my self so as not to talk about my intense special interests because I know others simply are not interested.
5) Physical clumsiness...I have been known to bump into more than one parked car and tend to walk like a drunken sailor. I distinctly remember that darn balance beam in kindergarten and how frustrating it was.
6) Lack of demonstrated apathy...hmmm, to some degree yes. I have a hard time understanding emotions as a rule much less what another person can be feeling in a given situation...unless I have been through an exact experience. Yes, the majority of time I am completely clueless as to how someone else feels.
7) Difficulties in the basic elements of social interaction...I cannot read the emotion on a persons face unless it is quite dramatic. I used to think everyone was always mad at me. Or that so and so really liked me just because she smiled at me once. In conversations, I watch peoples lips move so I know when it is my turn to speak. I miss a lot of what is being said because I am extremely slow at verbal processing. I cannot understand people with heavy accents or those who speak in a fast pace.
8) Impaired nonverbal behavior...Avoidance of eye contact, lack of appropriate facial expression..yeah and I tend to either laugh or cry when I get really nervous. I try and be acutely aware of my body language and read a few books on the subject. It helps me blend in.
9) Stereotyped and repetitive motor behaviors are a core part of the diagnosis. "They include hand movements such as flapping or twisting, and complex whole-body movements. They are typically repeated in longer bursts and look more voluntary or ritualistic than tics, which are usually faster, less rhythmical and less symmetrical." There are times when I am convinced that I may be a lunatic when I catch myself making repetitive, nonsensical hand gestures for absolutely no reason. The more stress I am under, the more gesturing I do. If I am having great difficulty finding the words I want to express, the gestures go up as well. It makes no sense to me when my body parts move in odd, unpredictable ways.
10) Language abnormalities...a) Verbosity-using lots of words...oh yeah..Why use five words when you can throw in another ten, or twenty. I frequently make up new words and sprinkle everyday conversations with Middle or Old English…thee, thou, methinks…etc. I can tell when I am too long-winded..I watch for eyes glazing over in to a dull stare.
b) Abrupt transitions...I used to blurt things out in the middle of others sentences with alarming frequency...still do, if I am not careful c) literal interpretations and miscomprehension of nuance....an example...someone says "he's a dirty old man", well I picture just that..an old man in filthy tattered clothes. Its like non-Aspies speak in a completely different, very complex language. I take things quite literally. And please, please, please, don't try and tell me a joke. I probably will not get it. d) use of metaphor meaningful only to the speaker. I also tend to repeat the same sentence in a conversation. I don't know if this is obsessive compulsive behavior or Aspieness...I very frequently repeat the same sentence in a conversation...two or three times.
11) Excellent auditory and visual perception. I am such a visual person. To remember things I have to literally write them out on the chalkboard in my head..my mental screen, if you will.
In a nutshell, its like I have way more neurons (nerve cells) turned on them most which makes me hypersensitive to sound, touch, taste, lights, and smells
Emotions are very strange, volatile things which cause me great consternation. I have a hard time identifying them..Which emotion is it?...expressing them appropriately...I tend to bottle them up..Or they may kindof explode and pour forth all at once in a mad dance of tears, anger and nonsensical words...
I don't look at it as a disease or disorder; rather it’s a different way of perceiving life. I live in my own little world but I am capable of going out and playing in the real one, for short bursts of time. Every day life presents itself with more challenges and opportunities to use creative thinking to overcome all the little things that most people don't ever have to think about. Yes, it can be quite exhausting at times...but I do the best I can.
The first and oft most challenging part about writing about Aspergers is figuring out what makes me different from NTS. And if you live within your own walls, if you venture outside of your own home maybe once or twice a day, sometimes...if you get together with a group of people for a social function, funeral, wedding, meeting, less than once every six months...One is a serious isolationist and it is really hard to see outside ones own skin.
